The Kissing Embargo

I've climbed down out of the "I have to have a boyfriend" rafters. I was there for a while, wishing and dreaming, putting ex boyfriends in the Pet Semetary and reanimating them just so I wouldn't really feel alone. Cept I am. And I still do. But yeah it's been a veritable plethora of dipping into wells I thought had long since gone dry, huffing fumes and pretending to be a part of someone who is a part of someone else. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry. I'm not trying that hard and I don't care to :)

The strange thing is, I don't know if I will ever find someone. I mean....jesus I am so picky now. I have a whole subset of requirements in spirituality, philosophy, background, education, etc that have narrowed my already limited field (I am socially inept) to .... a vaccuum in space. I'm literally looking for the male version of me, but with a propensity for patience and unflappable calm since I seem to do "Hormonal Mexican Jumping Bean" exceedingly well.

I love the word unflappable.

All that is moot, anyway, because I am now on a Kissing Embargo. I am not kissing any boys (calm down, I'm not kissing any girls either) until a few goals of mine have been achieved. Christ I think this is a 6 month starvation.

AND WHAT ARE THESE EFFING FRUIT FLIES IN MY APARTMENT I HAVE BEEN TRAVELING FOR TWO EFFING WEEKS

Why, you may ask? (about the Kissing Embargo) It's simple.

I am a retard around men I like.

And when I catch the scent of Possible Mate, my retardation exponentially increases and whether that man is worth it or not I will continue being a retard until I've married him or gotten emotionally attached. Whichever comes first. And being a divorcee, I can tell you, the past few relationships I've had were harder to end/cope with than leaving my ex husband. When my tender girlie heart latches on, she will not let go until I've asked to be kicked in the kidneys a few more times, hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it.

So I think, even though I'm 2.5 years out of my marriage, that I am still a Retard and I need some severe Timeout before I go to something Dumb. /having an unpleasant memory of a dumb thing I did over the last year....cry

It's those flashbacks I want to avoid.

So no kissing for me. It fucks me up. I get dumb and goofy and mentally deficient. Whereas, at my prime, I am just goofy. I will unwittingly think men are worthy of me (or anyone) when they're not. I think I'm less than what I am, then I forget my goals and they get pushed off. So, now you men are getting pushed off. Yeah.

This will last til my next horny season, which will be /looks at watch....mmm 7 days from now.

You have time to pop some popcorn, tuck the kids in, run the dishwasher, and be back in time for the hilarious sequel.

See you in a bit.